Original
ad:
DO NOT WORK FOR JIMMY ******, IGNORE HIS "LOOKING FOR A HANDYMAN" AD
BELOW. IT IS A SCAM!! I WORKED FOR HIM FOR A WEEK AND HE SAID HE WOULD PAY ME
AT THE END OF THE WEEK, AND THEN AT THE END OF THE WEEK HE SAID THAT I WAS PAID
BI-WEEKLY AND WOULD HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL NEXT FRIDAY, SO THAT FRIDAY CAME AND HE
NEVER PAID! HES BEEN DODGING MY CALLS! AVOID HIM AT ALL COSTS HE WILL SCREW YOU
OUT OF TWO WEEKS PAY
From Mike Anderson to
**********@*********.org
Hey, I saw your ad about Jimmy ****** and must say you sound like a very gullible
person. Why didn't you think something was up the first time he didn't pay you?
It sounds like you are just not capable of thinking like an intelligent person.
If you want, I will follow you around and give you advice to help you not make
such stupid decisions. My fee is $15/hr, but it is well worth it.
Mike
From ********@gmail.com to Me
FUCK YOU
From Mike Anderson to ********@gmail.com
I don't think you understand how much money my advice could be saving you. For
example, did you know that if a Nigerian asks for your social security number,
he is not just getting to know you? He actually wants it to steal your
identity. I am full of useful advice like this. Please reconsider.
Mike
From ********@gmail.com to Me
I KNOW THAT DICK HEAD. SHUT THE FUCK UP
From Mike Anderson to ********@gmail.com
Okay, it sounds like you don't want my advice.
I am interested in your handyman skills, however. How would you like to do the
siding and roofing on my house? The job will probably take about two weeks.
Don't worry, though, I'll pay you at the end of the two weeks, you just do the
work first. And could you buy the shingles and siding? I'll reimburse you for
those supplies as well at the end of the two weeks.
Mike
From ********@gmail.com to Me
FUCK OFF COCK SUCKER
Original ad:
2007 Cadillac Escalade for sale - 38,000 miles. Great condition! Asking
$40,000. E-mail if interested.
From Mike Partlow to
**************@*********.org
Hey,
I have a proposition for you. I will give you $50 if you let me borrow your
Escalade for tomorrow night. I have been trying to get a date with this girl,
but the only way I was able to get her to go on a date with me was by telling
her that I am a very rich and powerful drug dealer. The problem is, I am not a
drug dealer, and I actually drive a 91 Honda Accord. She will know I am lying
if I pick her up in that. The only chance I have of getting with this chick is
if I roll up in your ballin Escalade. If you let me borrow it, on top of giving
you $50, I will put a few gallons of gas in it. I promise we will not have sex
on your seats.
Please help me out!
Mike
From James ******* to Me
Absolutely not. The car is not for rent!
From Mike Partlow to James ********
James,
I am willing to pay you up to $60 to borrow your Escalade. If you are worried
about me messing it up, you can ride with me. In fact, you can drive it. I'll
tell her you are my bodyguard. That would actually work out better, I think. Do
you look like a bodyguard? You'd have to wear a suit, and possibly one of those
earpieces with the coiled cord running down your neck. You should occasionally
touch the earpiece to your ear, like you are listening to some badass security
chatter. You shouldn't talk have to talk much, just drive and look badass.
Please reconsider my offer.
Mike
From James ******** to Me
No. That is stupid. Maybe you should try asking out a woman that isn't a
materialistic gold digger.
From Mike Partlow to James *********
Golddigger or not, this girl's rack is phenominal. Tell you what, if you
consider my offer and I end up getting laid, I will try to snap a picture of
her tits with my cellphone and send it to you. Trust me, they are great.
Mike
From James ******** to Me
Shut up. You aren't borrowing my car.
From Mike Partlow to James *********
Well James, you are being a cockblocker. I hope next time you are trying to get
your D wet, you get the shit cockblocked out of you.
Original ad:
if anyone wants a ride from
From Mike Partlow to
*************@*********.org
Hello,
I do need a ride to
Mike
From christine ********* to Me
no all i have is my hybrid. what is the big deal, who cares what people think?
u should be glad to help the enviroment!
From Mike Partlow to christine **********
I'm sorry Christine but it isn't the 60's anymore. People aren't a bunch of
earth-saving hippies that run around and hug trees anymore. Does your car have
tinted windows? I really don't want to be seen riding in that bitch-mobile. My
only request is that you stop by a lake somewhere so I can dump a can of motor
oil in it, to make up for all of the earth that your car will be saving. Don't
worry, I'll pay for the motor oil.
Mike
From christine ********* to Me
wtf is wrong with u! im not giving u a ride
From Mike Partlow to christine **********
Well I am sorry you won't have the privilege of riding with me. Fortunately for
me, I found a better, more badass ride to NYC. I'll be sure to wave at your
crappy little hybrid as we pass you in our F-350, spraying cans of aerosol out
the window and throwing empty six-pack holders into the sea.
Mike
Originally
Posted: Tue, 14 Apr 10:14 CDT
Date: 2009-04-14, 10:14AM CDT
I woke up this morning with my
nose hairs curled and my eyes burning. My fucking dog took a shit in the early
hours of the morning and then decided to eat it to hide the evidence. The
problem is that it makes him sick and then he throws it up. I woke up at 5:45
am to the strong smell of shit-vomit on the carpet. Oh, and he walks around the
fucking house burping it up too. So basically he shit-vomit-farts
out of his mouth. You fucking dumb dog. You are 3 years old and house broken.
Why would you do that? If you take a shit on the carpet just leave it there. It
is so much easier to clean up that way. I'm not going to let you in the house
today because even if you stop barfing up shit-vomit you still burp it up which
makes the house smell like SHIT-VOMIT! Fuck you and then next time another dog
is butt-fucking you at the dog park I'm not coming to your rescue.
PostingID: 1121771299